Responding to Adversity

Everyone regardless of age, gender, position, nationality, economic status, race or religion experiences adversity. It is a part of every other circumstance you will experience in life. It is a neutral concept. It doesn’t pick on certain people. Some people could look at others and say, “Those people are doing well; they have never failed or experienced adversity.” I have news for you.

No one is exempt from life’s trials and tribulations! Life is nothing more than different phases of circumstances and conditions. Yes, some people may get more than their share of bad times while others may get better times or circumstances than they deserve. But be careful; do not judge.

You cannot control what comes into your life, but you can choose to control how you respond to it or act. Adversity, problems and failure, no one wants them but everyone gets them. How you choose to see them or define them will have a great deal to do with how they impact your life. If you fear failure and choose not to stretch, try, experiment because of its consequences, then the fear of failure will rule your life.  But if you fail and learn, then you are in charge of your life and its outcomes. Norman Vincent Peale once said, “Problems are good as long as you learn from them.”

No one likes the sting of discouragement or despair. I’ve been there, many times but I can tell you that there is something to learn in every life’s situation if you will stop seeing yourself as a victim. Rather discover the lessons and learn from them. If you are discouraged, troubled or afraid I hope you find some answers or solace in the words that follow. Don’t ever let anyone else tell you how to live your life. We all make mistakes and the people who are often good at giving advice perhaps might use some of their own counsel too.

On failure: No one escapes this life without failing. I’ve had them. You’ve had them. Everyone’s had them. The only way to avoid failure is to spend the rest of your life living in a closet away from human contact, expectations and the quest for achievement. I do not know anyone who has reached adulthood and has not had some form of adversity or failure in his or her life. Or do you know any of such? If you don’t know any, then why are we afraid of failing?

Failure has its own positive side if you view it from another perspective. Failure gives:
1. You an opportunity to regroup.
2. It is a necessary tactic of life to help you learn?
3. It can make your successes or achievements taste good or better.
4. Gives your enemies something to talk about.
5. It forces you to take another look.
6. It tests your resolve.
7. Gives meaning to your successes.

So go out there and fail. Stretch yourself. Push harder. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

On discouragement: Discouragement defined by Webster dictionary is to be deprived of hope or confidence. Dishearten, dispirit or to be dismayed. For me, discouragement is when you feel you have no options, your back is against the wall and you don’t know which way to turn, what to do or who to turn to. It is this hole in the pit of your stomach and this fear that fills your every waking moment that says, why bother, what’s the point. Ever been there?

On problems: Late Norman Vincent Peale once said, “There is only one group of people that don’t have problems and they are all dead. Problems are a sign of life. So the more problems you have the more alive you are.” My addition to Norman’s quote would be, “if you don’t have any problems today maybe you are on the way out of here and you don’t know it yet.”

If you perceive our quotes to be some old philosophy of life, at least we are closer to speaking the truth. One thing you and I have both learned is that everyone has problems. Some have relationship problems, others financial, some career, others health, some social, others business. No one is immune to adversity in life. The key is to accept the issues, negatives, problems, situations (I don’t care what you call them) as part of the life’s process of becoming who you want to be.  People destined to fail see themselves as victims and blame life for picking them. Winners, regardless of their position, status, age or circumstances see problems and adversity as a catalyst to becoming better, stronger, wiser, and more aware of the reality of their life.

Problems are not positive or negative, they are neutral. It isn’t what is happening in your life that matters it is how you choose to see it and what you do with it. Learn to see the negatives as loving teachers in your life, bringing you the opportunity to get a clearer vision of where you need attitude adjustments, improved thinking or better skills.

Creating an Exceptional You

Very few people are exceptional and one of the major traits that stand them out is Self confidence. Self confidence is an essential skill that you need to navigate through peer pressure. It protects you from being distracted and helps you pull through challenges. With good character traits, moral and religious values, you will hardly fall into the trap of distraction. You will be the master of self control.

 Self control is imperative in the development of your self esteem, confidence, identity, and ultimate success. Self control will help you have healthy respect for others. With self control, no matter the challenge you can never compromise. It is also the ability to govern oneself and enable you to control your temper, regulate your sensual appetites and passion.

Growing up as a young girl, in my family, values were taught and enforced. Faith in God and family values were everyday discussion. Religious value was the strongest influence in our lives. With self discipline, you can put off instant gratification. Below are the tips that can help you achieve an exceptional you.

• Love: This is personal caring that goes beyond oneself. It is having the habit of doing things for others.  It is simply sacrificing and caring for others. Learn to treat others the way you want to be treated. This love should go beyond your immediate and extended families.  
• Respect: This is the ability to treat others and things with value. Your manner and courtesy should speak more about who you are. Your respect should be for God, life, elders, parents, people, law, properties, and beliefs.
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  Responsibility: It is being accountable and dependable. It has everything to do with having the mind of your own in decision making; learn to be responsible for your actions at all time. As a teenage counselor, I have a particular teenager that whenever I scold him as regarding an issue, he would tell me that someone made him do it. I told him to learn to take responsibility for his actions. You should learn to do the same because when you fail, it’s you that has failed; nobody else.
• Honesty: Always be truthful and trustworthy. The inner strength of building integrity comes from being honest. Believe it or not, if honesty isn’t part of your life, you will develop the habit of lying and cheating others.  This negative attitude will become part of you and gradually you will be living a life of a lie, and believing you are being smart. 
• Courage: Is having an attitude of dealing with things that are recognized as dangerous. Courage is to believe in what you do even if nobody else does. It is facing your challenges with a brave heart.
• Sexual purity: Make it part of your goal that sexual relationship belongs only to those who are married. Endeavor to restrain yourself from sexual relationship outside marriage. Such commitment, made in the presence of God, is the best for emotional, physical and spiritual strength and growth.
• Get a positive attitude: Learn to stay positive and pursue your goal. Don’t ever get discouraged about the things around you. Don’t support the people who believe you cannot succeed in this country; the truth is that wherever you are, keep your head high and the sky will be your starting point.

Farewell Whitney Houston (August 9, 1963-February 11, 2012)

And Saturday 18th of February 2012, the talented super star was laid to rest. But we are yet to get over the shock of her passing on. For me, it was a question of how could such a mega superstar departs so soon.

A week ago, I woke up at 4am to ease myself and like every BlackBerry lovers, I peeped and saw that fifty percent of my contacts had updated their DPs (Display Pictures) and their status reads “Whitney Houston is dead”.

To double check, I went on Twitter, and there it was—a tweet from Kimora Lee confirmed it. She was shocked too. And the truth finally sets in—I was so pained that another of my favorite has gone too soon. Like Michael Jackson, she too was a fragile superstar.

Few days after, I listened to friends, families, TV Show hosts and reporters talked about the troubled life of Whitney Houston. They emphasized that when she married Bobby Brown her life and personality took a new turn. She took to smoking, using drugs and drinking heavily.

Just like the old saying goes “Bad apples corrupt good apples. Also, bad friends corrupt good friends” Whitney Houston was just another victim who was guilty by association.

I have seen circumstances of people I care about who are guilty by association. A friend’s brother who was a promising professional footballer could not handle the life of fame and new sets of friends, he gradually slipped and took to partying lifestyle; using drugs, drinking and heavy smoking. He took to smoking two packs of cigarettes everyday and eventually he was diagnosed of lungs cancer and few months after, he died.

Whitney had been living an innocent life. As a child she started singing gospel songs in her local church and then began her modeling career in her early teens. Success came faster than expected. She was traveling faster at the speed of sound. She knew it. Her mother knew it. In fact, anyone who heard her sing knew it. She was beautiful, talented, destined to be great and along came the Spider. And that Spider was Bobby Brown.

In 1992, Whitney married Bobby Brown. That was when her life began to change for she took to drugs and heavy drinking just like her husband who had been in trouble with drugs, the Law, and served time in jail. Although she eventually divorced Bobby, she couldn’t disengage herself from drugs and heavy drinking, which she inherited from her broken marriage. In the late nineties, she admitted to using cocaine and smoking marijuana with her ex-husband. Even with all her talent, awards and high society lifestyle, her life was spiraling out of control. And she was gradually losing her place on the center stage of her career.

She couldn’t handle her gigs as usual. She would show up late for her concerts or would cancel a show shortly before it started. On several occasions she simply did not show up for radio or television interviews. Once on Oprah Winfrey Show, she told Oprah that “doing drugs was an everyday thing. I wasn’t happy at that point in time. I was losing myself” for she knew she was in trouble; however she did nothing to get control of her life. She rejected the people who loved her and wanted to help her; including her family, her church and close friends.

In all of these, we can’t lay all the blame on Booby Brown for Whitney Houston’s lifestyle. Whitney made bad choices in her adult life. The lifestyle of the rich and famous isn’t always what it appears to be. The day before her death, she performed one last time in front of a group of friends. In her last performance, she went back to her roots in gospel music and the church she loved. Her last song was “Jesus Loves Me”.

Whitney Houston was one of the best music icons that will ever live. I have loved her even through her struggles; I had prayed to God that she will turn back to Him. Although it sad to know Whitney died, but the fact remains—she couldn’t disengage herself from her negative distractions. So are many out there who are still victims. If you or your friends have friends that are not a good influence and you realize you need to make some changes, then take a stand, do the right thing and make the move today! Make sure your friends and your friend’s friends have your best interest at heart. We all have been influenced by negative people in our lives and have learned we must be aware of whom we allow to come into our lives.

1Corinthians 15: 33 from the Bible is a scripture that reminds us that God knows all about the questionable people who come into our lives and warns us to be careful when we choose our friends. It reads, “Do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character”.

Rest in peace Whitney! You will forever be to us that beautiful person with an incredible voice. May you find peace in heaven and sing lullaby to your messiah. Goodbye and goodnight.

New Year, New Hope

Wow, I was carried away with the present unrest in the country that I almost forgot to say happy New Year. Well, it is never too late to wish you a happy New Year and to assure you that no matter the present chaos around us, the future is brighter.

Although this year started with the devastating News of fuel subsidy removal, which brought about the increase in petroleum products and led to a Nationwide Strike, all of this doesn’t change the fact that 2012 brings with it hope for you and everyone.

For me the New Year is actually more than a change of calendar, it symbolizes the beginning of a better tomorrow. So, I challenge you to do the same. You should look forward to a good year ahead, spread happiness and love to the people around you.

For you, the New Year is like a book, its pages blank. This invisible book before you is called opportunities. On its pages you are to write and fill it up with words, words that would someday become your 2012 achievements. And the best way to start is to be “yourself”. Also, have it in mind that challenges are part of the journey, but remember to put God first and you will never be the last.

Once you have consciously done as said above, then stay positive because negativity kills the spirit. Let your mind focus on what you have written in your book called opportunities that is the power that you have. Now show love to the people you come across, that is your blessing. If you happen to have some setback and things or relationships don’t turn out right, take what you have learnt from it and move forward. And focus on making the next situation or relationship better.

Try to make decision not excuses, its expresses your strength without stating the obvious. Identify your destiny helpers but be wise and don’t get carried away, If not you will become a slave. Above all, grow a father to child relationship with God and don’t stop believing in yourself. And at the end of 2012, you will be grateful you applied this advice from moi.