Wednesday, January 19, 2011

What Men Want By Ngozi Kalu

Josh Goldsmith and Cathy Yuspa co-wrote a comedy-fantasy-romance script, which was directed by a woman called Nancy Meyers. This movie centered on Nick (played by Mel Gibson), a chauvinistic advertising guru who after an accident suddenly could hear what women are thinking.
First, he was so disappointed that women dislike his playboy attitude and stunning look of a perfect gentleman, but was relieved when he could hear the voice in the head of Darcy (played by Helen Hunt), his new boss. So began a romantic escapade centered on the work place.
Do you remember the title of the film? If not, it is titled “What Women Want.”  
But on a second note, let us twist the title of that film around to “What Men Want.” As a woman, have you ever ask yourself “what does this guy really want?” Have you ever wish you could hear the voice in the head of your husband, fiancĂ©, ardent admirer or just a male friend you are having a crush on? If not in the present, somewhere in our past, we all wish to hear the voice in their heads.
Hearing the voice in your man’s head might be a good idea, but it definitely will not tell you what, he really wants. But carefully walking into his world would keep your relationship rosy, trust me on this.
I am not a relationship expert, but nothing compares to when you have taken quite some time to read your man like a classic novel from Jeffrey Archer, Sydney Sheldon, John Grisham or Dan Brown. You need to read your man like a book. Because like you, he has some wants. He needs you to attend to those wants, then, you will turn out to be his dream girl.
 Here are some tips to help you know his wants:
Pamper him: Some women will say “men are not supposed to be pampered; it is the other way round.” I will agree with you on that note if you are ready to lose your man to the girl next door. Listen; whatever you are not doing for your man, someone else will do it. So pamper your man. Every man wants to be pampered like a baby. Don’t just call him “baby” as a sign of love, but pamper him like one. Tell him he looks good. Notice his new haircut.  Do his manicure and pedicure. Tell him he looks good in that bright blue shirt. Polish his shoes if you have to. Meet him by the door with a warm kiss after a stressful day. Take his coat. Help him out of his shirt if you have to. Get his food on the dinning table. Watch him eat. Ask about his tiresome day in-between even when you know he never had a busy day. Let him have his spare time to watch his favorite Sport or Show while you sit beside him. Make comments in-between even when the entire thing is quite boring to you. They enjoy side comments and would appreciate it from their women. However, don’t choke him with all of those pampering. Or else, he will become bored easily or want to get away from you out of fear. Give him some time to be alone. You can choose to quietly sit beside him. Don’t take his quietness for neglect. So, don’t walk away or retire to bed. And don’t ever make the mistake of turning your back to him in bed. Even if he does that, you wrap yourself around him from behind. After-all, he is your man.
 Reach him: except your man permits it, do not show-up at his office with a lunch-box or demanding a lunch invitation. It’s a very silly thing to do. This could be a good idea once in a while, but don’t over-do-it. Don’t tell him you are just driving by and decided to pop in on him. It’s a good but perfectly wrong idea. He will misunderstand it for policing. You can call him once, twice, or thrice in-between work, to tell him you love him.  Then let him work even if you know he is just lurking around doing nothing. Ask if you can bring him lunch, but don’t push it if he says no.
No policing: Like a bird, every man enjoys freedom even from a wife that does not nag. That is the way they have been designed by their maker. And your man is not an exception. Men generally get bored doing the same routine over and over again. That is why as a woman, you need to develop new strategy at all time. Never try to hold him down by tracing his calls, smelling his shirts after the day’s work or searching for exhibit (you know what I mean) in his suits. Rather, let your daily strategies of pampering him tie him to your apron’s string. Spend time with him, but don’t take his entire twenty-four hours. Know when to let him be.
Yes Boss: Yes, he is literarily your baby, but don’t order him around like your four years old. Even four years old boy does not want to be ordered around. So, don’t order your man around. Every man appreciates a woman who respects and treats him like a man. Respect his decisions and suggestions. Don’t make decision or suggestion for him. Compliment whatever decision he has taken. If you are not cool with it, give it some days, when he is in his cloud 8 (happy mood) discuss things over with him.  Don’t tell him his decisions are not good enough; rather find a way to improve his decisions. Don’t make him look stupid. Don’t ever tell a man, this is not good enough. Or this is out of fashion or style. Even when it is totally not good, just look for a perfect way to correct it.
Like his likes: Now, lot of ladies has this problem, they want their men to like what they (ladies) like. There is nothing wrong with this. But you have to like what he likes too. You are there to compliment each other. And it starts from appreciating each other’s likes. Period!
His Shortcomings: Every human has her weaknesses. And so do you. Maybe you have disciplined yourself to control your weaknesses, but your man is yet to do that. You have to gradually help him do that. Never make the mistake of discussing his weaknesses or sexual crime with any friend or family, it can ruin what you have worked for over the years. At this point, you need spiritual help. Not visiting a pastor or spiritualist. Rather pray quietly in your closet for God to make him a better person. And He will.
Be a moderate Shopper:  no man wants to be associated with an expensive shopaholic. Even if you are the bread winner, be moderate in your spending. Learn to save and invest along with him. This will secure your future and that of your children. And you would become the intelligent lady in his life.
Cook his food:  one of the primary reasons he left bachelorhood is to have good food. It is not a good idea if the housemaids are the ones doing his meals. He won’t end up in their bed, but you will always be in the second place if he finds someone outside who cooks for him. He deserves a decent meal at least once a day. You should make his day.
 In the Dark: This is perhaps the real thing. Yes women fantasize. But men do more than fantasize. They want a lasting impression that will keep them coming back for more. So, give your man what he wants. Show him you are hotter than that secretary in tight leather skirt. Show him you are more romantic than he could imagine. This is, perhaps, the most important part of your relationship. You must satisfy him, not just in bed, even before bedtime. When he is on his way from work, take a good hot bath; get into that red satin micro night-gown.  Wear a seductive perfume and meet him at the door when he rings the bell. Next day, change the night gown to something sexier and wear another perfume if possible. Make everyday different and memorable. Men love good memories.
This definitely is not the exhaustive tips to help you save your relationship or marriage; you have to work harder to keep it. I will leave you with this, “when you love something so much, grab it with both hands and don’t ever let go.” So if you love your man, don’t ever let go for any reason.
Good luck.

  




  

Thursday, January 13, 2011

What about the New Year?

Happy New Year is the usual seasonal compliment we send out at the beginning of every year. So, I am saying Happy New Year to you. Welcome to twenty-eleven.

Twenty-ten is gone forever! It has become the past and there is no future in the past. So, let us make the future brighter by living out the present. Let us face the future right here and now!

In this twenty-eleven, I know everyone wants and deserves a better life. What do you want? What do you have to do to develop your self-confidence, self-esteem and better internal motivation in this year?

To develop a better you, it all starts with how you think. You need to change your thinking. Maybe a better start is simply recognizing your Creator—God. Think of everyday as a gift from above and be grateful for it. Then learn to say positive things to yourself. Like, “I am going to develop myself until I become a better person. I will expand my heart and reach out to others. I will not fail to take chances and would try not to miss opportunities.”

And finally, you will have to learn to confront that which frightens you. Live above your fears. Take necessary actions as soon as you can. Like the title of the book written by my dearest Pastor, Pastor George Unogu, “MAKE THAT MOVE NOW!”