Erase Despair from Your Life

Wow! Should I say Happy New Year because it’s been like ages since I visited my blog. I hope I have your forgiveness? My excuse might be genuine for I went on a nine months course that eventually gave me a cute baby girl that I cherish more than myself. Well that is a story for another day.

How has this year been? For now, let me be the judge that this year has been a good one for you. If you are reading this, regardless of what you have been through or how tough the first few months of this year has been, you should learn to erase despair from your life.

Despair is a profound feeling that there is no hope. It is a response to life and its circumstances, disappointments, unrealized expectations or failed attempts to fix or change things. People who live in despair seldom accomplish much with their life. People who have experienced despair and decide that they don’t want to spend any more time in this unfair state have accomplished miracles. The choice is yours.

What actually are the causes of despair? There are numerous causes to the mental or emotional states of despair. There’s just too many to list here. But I would like to share a few of the major ones that contribute to this emotional malaise that ultimately if not overcome or addressed will create hopeless, unhappiness and unfulfilled life.

Self-defeating attitudes: Some people don’t believe they deserve success, happiness, love or many other positive outcomes of life. They just don’t feel worthy whether it is grounded in their upbringing or the circumstances or people that have come into their life. When disaster strikes, and it will sooner or later, these people’s response is usually, “See, I told you. It’s what I knew would happen.” This is a self defeating attitude that you can overcome by having a positive attitude to every circumstances regardless of the result they bring.

Wrong mindsets: Mindsets are created or formed by a number of circumstances and people. Teachers, parents, bosses, siblings and more have all contributed to your mindsets. A mindset is a way of looking at life. Circumstances and situations have also over time contributed to your mindsets. If you feel that people can’t basically be trusted, you will tend to treat everyone in a way that shows your general lack of trust. To overcome this, give everybody a benefit of doubt lobe and trust people genuinely until they proof otherwise.

Emotional immaturity: When blame, guilt, jealousy, regret, anger, resentment, bitterness or hatred become fixed in your emotional makeup these will determine how you look at each of life’s experiences as well as the people who cross your path. These emotions will not do you any good whatsoever as long as you harbor them you will live in a lonely prison of defeat.

The lack of a spiritual foundation: I’m not talking here whether you are a Christian, Jew, Muslim or any other religion. I am talking about your belief in a higher power that guides your life and circumstances. People who lack a spiritual foundation tend to blame God when things go bad and take the credit when things go right.

Poor planning: Most people spend more time planning a 2 week vacation than they do their life. They will make reservations, decide on activities in advance and prepare for uncertainties. Why do people spend time planning 2 weeks and don’t spend time planning 60 years and what they would like those years to look like and create? I don’t have a clue.

Not taking responsibility: Life, the world, your parents, the government, your spouse and your employer owe you nothing. Yes, parents educate their children, spouses love each other and bosses give you an occasional raise. But, if you go through life feeling entitled, I guarantee that sooner or later you will experience, heartache, disappointment and anger. Your life is in your hands and your hands only. So, if things don’t work out stop blaming others.

Life outlook – This is how you view your world. People are good or bad. Life is fair or unfair. Things work or they don’t. People disappoint you. Circumstances are oblivious to your needs, desires or concerns. Once you start to realize that your life is not the result of others but your decisions, choices, actions, beliefs and behaviors you will go a long way in overcoming your despair.

Low self-esteem: If you don’t feel worthy or like yourself I’ll guarantee that life will be a constant battle for you. Self-esteem says either I can do it or I can’t. I’ll overcome or I won’t. This will work out or it won’t. Self-esteem is formed very early in life generally before you reached the age of ten. But, if you have low self-esteem you are not doomed to degrade yourself until your dying day. You can learn, change and grow.

Self-limitations – The only limitations we have are the ones we place on ourselves. This doesn’t mean that we can fly. What it does mean is that generally if something is holding you back or preventing you from overcoming difficult times it will usually be something in your own consciousness; some fear, limits, boundaries or restrictions that you believe hold you back.

Old emotional baggage – Was it something someone said to you 30 years ago? Something someone did to you that you just can’t let go of or forget? Is it some unrealized expectation that didn’t happen sometime in your past that you keep focusing on? Was it a failure or time in your life when nothing worked and you keep replaying it over and over again in your mind? This is old baggage and it will in no uncertain terms prevent you from successfully emerging from challenging times.

Lack of clear goals: Goals are not about their accomplishment, contrary to popular teaching and opinions. The purpose of goals is for one reason only, they give you direction. So if you have no goals what direction are you travelling? I’ll bet your mantra is ‘same stuff different day’. Is it any wonder why so few people achieve success and happiness? Want to get through these challenging times faster and easier? Start setting some goals and then develop some plans to achieve them.