Practical Steps to Achieving your Dream

 Everyone has a worthwhile dream. But very few wake up to make their dreams come true. Making your dream come through is a very important part of your existence.  Here are the simple and practical steps you must consider if truly you want to achieve your dream.

Step 1-Believe in yourself and dream: First and foremost, love yourself. Love yourself like no one else can do. Look into the mirror and just fall in love with who you are. Love everything about yourself. You are uniquely created and nobody can be like you. Until you fall so much in love with yourself, you cannot believe in yourself. Once you are crazily in love with the person you see in the mirror, then the next step is to believe in yourself, knowing that you can do just about anything. If you don’t believe in yourself, it is difficult to believe in your dream. Most times, people pursue a dream just because someone around them is chasing the same dream. If believe in your dream, it is very difficult to be distracted by someone else’s dream. During the course of my job as a consultant, I’ve seen women—men too—with unfulfilled dreams or broken focus. They either fall out of love with themselves or stopped believing in their dreams. Whatever it is you want to become, don’t be distracted. Just believe so strongly in what you want—your dream—and achieving it will become very easy.

Step 2-Be committed to your dream: A dream is quite too ambiguous to achieve, that is why you need to break it into achievable goals. Breaking your dream into achievable goals makes it easier for you to actualize it. Once you have the goals in front of you; then take necessary action immediate. Make that move now! Don’t procrastinate. Keep the focus. Once you know what you want, you must be committed to achieving it. Keep an open mind. Be flexible. Be willing and ready to learn and explore. Have a teachable spirit. Seek knowledge, wisdom and understanding. Sometimes the goals may seem impossible, but your daily commitment and diligent will make it possible to achieve.   

Step3-Get as much knowledge as you can: There is a saying that knowledge is power. Yes, it is. And that is why you need it. So, gather as much information as you can. Develop an appetite for reading for no knowledge is a waste. When you have knowledge of what you want and rightly channel it, the sky will be your starting point. Knowledge rightly applied is wisdom. Most young people are knowledgeable, but lack wisdom. That is why they end up in regrets because of the mistake of doing things the wrong way. Knowledge of what you want to achieve is important. Applying it rightly becomes wisdom. If you want to be a pilot, read wide on how to be a successful pilot. If you want to be a medical doctor, do your research on medicine. Then rightly apply the knowledge you have gathered. In no time, your dream will become your reality. 

Step 4-Failing and Falling is part of the process: Take a bold step and walk into the unknown. One of my Pastors in one his “Wisdom Ways” teachings said “Just do it”. That is like echoing Nike’s USP. So I am putting it in your face all over again; just do it! The fear of failure most times makes you stay in your comfort zone. If the chap who invented the electricity yielded to fear, we probably would have been living in the dark today. He failed ninety nine times, but he was not afraid to continue. For him, he only discovered ninety nine ways of how not to do it. Fear shouldn’t cripple you. Set yourself loose. Walk courageously into the unknown. I encourage you to seek God’s truth, challenge every fear based thought to find out what is really true and what is not. It is excusable to fail, but it is not acceptable to fall and remain there. You need to get up, dust yourself and do it again and again until you succeed. It is not over until you win. Nobody ever said the journey to the top is going to be easy. The truth; it won’t be easy. It is not easy. But be ready to face it. When you study the lives of great men, you will discover what differentiate them from ordinary people. They were determined to succeed no matter how many times they failed. Giving up isn’t part of their plan and fear is not in their dictionary. Most times, on your path to achieving your dream, people around you will think you are foolish. Like they thought the Wright brothers—Orville and Wilbur—were foolish when they chose to make metal fly in the sky. Their foolishness is what gave birth to the airplane that we see today. So, regardless of what people think, follow your dream until you make it happen. I will not fail to mention this little secret; before you embark on chasing your dream; ask God to help you. With God, all things—I mean all things—are possible. So as you doggedly work hard, trust Him to make your dream come true. I am done!

Welcome to the New Year

Congratulations! I am glad to welcome you into 2017. New Year connotes new opportunities, and hope. It is a time to focus, take stock, discipline yourself and follow through on what you want for yourself. It is also a time to make amends where necessary. It is not a time to look back, but ahead.

For three years, I left my blog to attend to some other stuff. This stuff is a mixture of distractions, achievements and life lessons. My singular focus of re-launching this blog is to share my thoughts, life lessons, self help truth and encourage the youths in our society and beyond. To help them know that whatsoever they imagine or desire to become is within their grasps. Like the picture of a cat, looking into a mirror, but seeing its own very image as that of a lion, that is how it is for everyone who believes in his or herself.

I may not be that excellent writer, but I am a certified youth counsellor. I have successfully organised series of programs focused on educating and empowering young adults on character development. My priority is to encourage young adults and see them excel in their chosen fields.

Sometimes, I wonder why I abandoned my blog, which is an excellent platform for interacting with young adults, to chase other ambitions. Well, I must say, it is all a learning and building process. And the veering off paid off in two significant ways. One, I learnt a lot about people and two, never forget your primary assignment. Wherever you find yourself, see it as an institute where you need to build yourself up. And just focus your energy building yourself.  

2016 wasn’t a good year for many and we couldn’t wait for it to end. Now it has ended and the anticipated 2017 is here. So, what are your plans? Are you going to seat back and watch it crawl away without taking responsibility for your life? In 2016, some sat back waiting for the government to rescue them. Some tried helping themselves, but eventually gave up concluding that things will never be better. Whatever role you played, here is the good news; you are alive. And like the usual cliché, “once there is life, there is hope”.

Today happens to be my birthday and when I went down memory lane, I have a thousand reasons to be grateful. I look at my life and have every reason to be grateful. I am healthy, and so is everyone in my family. Some spent the festive season in the hospital while some didn’t live to see the New Year. Here I am celebrating another year with high hopes and opportunities.

This year is laced with so many opportunities. Look inward, look around and align yourself with your purpose. Focus your energy on things that are worthwhile. The dictionary defines worthwhile as something important or rewarding enough to justify your effort. Set your focus on worthwhile activities, goals and visions so that when the year ends, you will have a good course to say “well done” to yourself. And lastly, don’t forget to keep a date with me, on this blog, I am dedicated to write often and help you achieve your worthwhile lifetime goal. Welcome to the New Year.    

Identifying Teens Trouble

What are their challenges?
In an ideal world, all parents would provide consistent and loving guidance and training for their children. They would talk to them, read to them, eat with them, and understand them. However, parents are not perfect. If you are a youth, you may feel that your home life is less than ideal. You may be right. Nevertheless, there is much you can do to reduce your anxiety and increase your happiness.

Increased isolation

Movies, TV Shows and Magazines have portrayed youths as being constantly surrounded by a group of friends and maintain that bond as adults. The reality for most teens is quite different.

Many youths lack a sense of connection and have few close friends with whom they are comfortable discussing problems or sharing ideas. Teens that do make friends seem to have little time to spend with them. Most Teenagers spend about 10% of their time face-to-face contact with friends but up to 20% of their waking hours alone—more time than they spend with either family or friends. They eat alone, travel alone, and entertain themselves alone. Encouraging this trend towards isolation is the proliferation of electronic devices. The time Magazine in 2006, reported that youths between 8 and 18 spent on average, Six and Eight hours a day with eyes glued to the TV, their ears plugged with ear phones, or their hands hovering over video-game controls or computer keyboard.

Pressured for sex

Teens and even preteens are under tremendous pressure to experiment with sex. Most girls started having sex between the ages of 12 and 15. Casual sex is very common among youths at school. Those who do not have sex are considered strange. Casual sex is so common among peers that only saying no, once, is not enough—you repeatedly have to reject the invitation.

Researchers surveyed a thousand youths whose ages ranged between 12 and 19 and who were from a variety of backgrounds. They found that almost 50% of the youths regularly engaged in some form of sexual activity. Over 20% of these sexually active youths were only 12. The controls that the family, the church and other institutions traditionally exerted have vanished, leaving the young as casualties.

Are youths who experiment with sex really casualties?

In a report published in 2003, researches drew a direct link between teenage sexual activity, depression and an increased risk of attempted suicide. They analyzed interview with 6,500 teenagers and found that sexually active girls are more than three times more likely to be depressed than are girls who are not sexually active. And among boys those who are sexually active are more than twice as likely to be depressed as are those who are not sexually active.

Fractured families
Most youths in most countries of the world have experienced rapid changes in family structure and a shifting set of values. In the past few decades there have been several major demographic changes that directly affect the lives of teenagers. The size of the average family has been decreasing, so adolescents are likely to have fewer siblings. As divorce rates continue to rise, more children are spending part of their childhood with a single parent. And more mothers of children are working, so it is less likely that there is an adult at home. Whether children are living with one or with two parents, many feel alienated from their parents at the very times they need them most. Most parents of today’s teenagers belong to the post-war baby boomer generation, and grew up being exposed to a new set of values emphasizing economic success and material gains. What values do such parents pass on to their children? Many parents today primarily care about their children’s academic success. As long as their children study, other things have become secondary, or do not even matter at home.

How can such an unbalanced emphasis on material success and academic achievement affect youths? When children appear to act crazy, it may be because they do not perceive their family to have a controlling impact on their behavior.

 Self destructive behavior

A government report in 2006 revealed that cocaine use among 11 to 15 years olds doubled within a year. Some 65,000 youths said that they had experimented with the drug. In some States more than 20% of youths between 16 and 24 years of age are said to be alcohol dependent to some degree or have an alcohol related illness.

Many youths express their inner anguish in a more direct way. They cut, bite or burn their own bodies. It is estimated that three million teenagers suffer from self inflicted injury and one in every 200 teenagers suffer from chronic self-injury.

 

 

 

 

Erase Despair from Your Life

Wow! Should I say Happy New Year because it’s been like ages since I visited my blog. I hope I have your forgiveness? My excuse might be genuine for I went on a nine months course that eventually gave me a cute baby girl that I cherish more than myself. Well that is a story for another day.

How has this year been? For now, let me be the judge that this year has been a good one for you. If you are reading this, regardless of what you have been through or how tough the first few months of this year has been, you should learn to erase despair from your life.

Despair is a profound feeling that there is no hope. It is a response to life and its circumstances, disappointments, unrealized expectations or failed attempts to fix or change things. People who live in despair seldom accomplish much with their life. People who have experienced despair and decide that they don’t want to spend any more time in this unfair state have accomplished miracles. The choice is yours.

What actually are the causes of despair? There are numerous causes to the mental or emotional states of despair. There’s just too many to list here. But I would like to share a few of the major ones that contribute to this emotional malaise that ultimately if not overcome or addressed will create hopeless, unhappiness and unfulfilled life.

Self-defeating attitudes: Some people don’t believe they deserve success, happiness, love or many other positive outcomes of life. They just don’t feel worthy whether it is grounded in their upbringing or the circumstances or people that have come into their life. When disaster strikes, and it will sooner or later, these people’s response is usually, “See, I told you. It’s what I knew would happen.” This is a self defeating attitude that you can overcome by having a positive attitude to every circumstances regardless of the result they bring.

Wrong mindsets: Mindsets are created or formed by a number of circumstances and people. Teachers, parents, bosses, siblings and more have all contributed to your mindsets. A mindset is a way of looking at life. Circumstances and situations have also over time contributed to your mindsets. If you feel that people can’t basically be trusted, you will tend to treat everyone in a way that shows your general lack of trust. To overcome this, give everybody a benefit of doubt lobe and trust people genuinely until they proof otherwise.

Emotional immaturity: When blame, guilt, jealousy, regret, anger, resentment, bitterness or hatred become fixed in your emotional makeup these will determine how you look at each of life’s experiences as well as the people who cross your path. These emotions will not do you any good whatsoever as long as you harbor them you will live in a lonely prison of defeat.

The lack of a spiritual foundation: I’m not talking here whether you are a Christian, Jew, Muslim or any other religion. I am talking about your belief in a higher power that guides your life and circumstances. People who lack a spiritual foundation tend to blame God when things go bad and take the credit when things go right.

Poor planning: Most people spend more time planning a 2 week vacation than they do their life. They will make reservations, decide on activities in advance and prepare for uncertainties. Why do people spend time planning 2 weeks and don’t spend time planning 60 years and what they would like those years to look like and create? I don’t have a clue.

Not taking responsibility: Life, the world, your parents, the government, your spouse and your employer owe you nothing. Yes, parents educate their children, spouses love each other and bosses give you an occasional raise. But, if you go through life feeling entitled, I guarantee that sooner or later you will experience, heartache, disappointment and anger. Your life is in your hands and your hands only. So, if things don’t work out stop blaming others.

Life outlook – This is how you view your world. People are good or bad. Life is fair or unfair. Things work or they don’t. People disappoint you. Circumstances are oblivious to your needs, desires or concerns. Once you start to realize that your life is not the result of others but your decisions, choices, actions, beliefs and behaviors you will go a long way in overcoming your despair.

Low self-esteem: If you don’t feel worthy or like yourself I’ll guarantee that life will be a constant battle for you. Self-esteem says either I can do it or I can’t. I’ll overcome or I won’t. This will work out or it won’t. Self-esteem is formed very early in life generally before you reached the age of ten. But, if you have low self-esteem you are not doomed to degrade yourself until your dying day. You can learn, change and grow.

Self-limitations – The only limitations we have are the ones we place on ourselves. This doesn’t mean that we can fly. What it does mean is that generally if something is holding you back or preventing you from overcoming difficult times it will usually be something in your own consciousness; some fear, limits, boundaries or restrictions that you believe hold you back.

Old emotional baggage – Was it something someone said to you 30 years ago? Something someone did to you that you just can’t let go of or forget? Is it some unrealized expectation that didn’t happen sometime in your past that you keep focusing on? Was it a failure or time in your life when nothing worked and you keep replaying it over and over again in your mind? This is old baggage and it will in no uncertain terms prevent you from successfully emerging from challenging times.

Lack of clear goals: Goals are not about their accomplishment, contrary to popular teaching and opinions. The purpose of goals is for one reason only, they give you direction. So if you have no goals what direction are you travelling? I’ll bet your mantra is ‘same stuff different day’. Is it any wonder why so few people achieve success and happiness? Want to get through these challenging times faster and easier? Start setting some goals and then develop some plans to achieve them.

 

Responding to Adversity

Everyone regardless of age, gender, position, nationality, economic status, race or religion experiences adversity. It is a part of every other circumstance you will experience in life. It is a neutral concept. It doesn’t pick on certain people. Some people could look at others and say, “Those people are doing well; they have never failed or experienced adversity.” I have news for you.

No one is exempt from life’s trials and tribulations! Life is nothing more than different phases of circumstances and conditions. Yes, some people may get more than their share of bad times while others may get better times or circumstances than they deserve. But be careful; do not judge.

You cannot control what comes into your life, but you can choose to control how you respond to it or act. Adversity, problems and failure, no one wants them but everyone gets them. How you choose to see them or define them will have a great deal to do with how they impact your life. If you fear failure and choose not to stretch, try, experiment because of its consequences, then the fear of failure will rule your life.  But if you fail and learn, then you are in charge of your life and its outcomes. Norman Vincent Peale once said, “Problems are good as long as you learn from them.”

No one likes the sting of discouragement or despair. I’ve been there, many times but I can tell you that there is something to learn in every life’s situation if you will stop seeing yourself as a victim. Rather discover the lessons and learn from them. If you are discouraged, troubled or afraid I hope you find some answers or solace in the words that follow. Don’t ever let anyone else tell you how to live your life. We all make mistakes and the people who are often good at giving advice perhaps might use some of their own counsel too.

On failure: No one escapes this life without failing. I’ve had them. You’ve had them. Everyone’s had them. The only way to avoid failure is to spend the rest of your life living in a closet away from human contact, expectations and the quest for achievement. I do not know anyone who has reached adulthood and has not had some form of adversity or failure in his or her life. Or do you know any of such? If you don’t know any, then why are we afraid of failing?

Failure has its own positive side if you view it from another perspective. Failure gives:
1. You an opportunity to regroup.
2. It is a necessary tactic of life to help you learn?
3. It can make your successes or achievements taste good or better.
4. Gives your enemies something to talk about.
5. It forces you to take another look.
6. It tests your resolve.
7. Gives meaning to your successes.

So go out there and fail. Stretch yourself. Push harder. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

On discouragement: Discouragement defined by Webster dictionary is to be deprived of hope or confidence. Dishearten, dispirit or to be dismayed. For me, discouragement is when you feel you have no options, your back is against the wall and you don’t know which way to turn, what to do or who to turn to. It is this hole in the pit of your stomach and this fear that fills your every waking moment that says, why bother, what’s the point. Ever been there?

On problems: Late Norman Vincent Peale once said, “There is only one group of people that don’t have problems and they are all dead. Problems are a sign of life. So the more problems you have the more alive you are.” My addition to Norman’s quote would be, “if you don’t have any problems today maybe you are on the way out of here and you don’t know it yet.”

If you perceive our quotes to be some old philosophy of life, at least we are closer to speaking the truth. One thing you and I have both learned is that everyone has problems. Some have relationship problems, others financial, some career, others health, some social, others business. No one is immune to adversity in life. The key is to accept the issues, negatives, problems, situations (I don’t care what you call them) as part of the life’s process of becoming who you want to be.  People destined to fail see themselves as victims and blame life for picking them. Winners, regardless of their position, status, age or circumstances see problems and adversity as a catalyst to becoming better, stronger, wiser, and more aware of the reality of their life.

Problems are not positive or negative, they are neutral. It isn’t what is happening in your life that matters it is how you choose to see it and what you do with it. Learn to see the negatives as loving teachers in your life, bringing you the opportunity to get a clearer vision of where you need attitude adjustments, improved thinking or better skills.

Creating an Exceptional You

Very few people are exceptional and one of the major traits that stand them out is Self confidence. Self confidence is an essential skill that you need to navigate through peer pressure. It protects you from being distracted and helps you pull through challenges. With good character traits, moral and religious values, you will hardly fall into the trap of distraction. You will be the master of self control.

 Self control is imperative in the development of your self esteem, confidence, identity, and ultimate success. Self control will help you have healthy respect for others. With self control, no matter the challenge you can never compromise. It is also the ability to govern oneself and enable you to control your temper, regulate your sensual appetites and passion.

Growing up as a young girl, in my family, values were taught and enforced. Faith in God and family values were everyday discussion. Religious value was the strongest influence in our lives. With self discipline, you can put off instant gratification. Below are the tips that can help you achieve an exceptional you.

• Love: This is personal caring that goes beyond oneself. It is having the habit of doing things for others.  It is simply sacrificing and caring for others. Learn to treat others the way you want to be treated. This love should go beyond your immediate and extended families.  
• Respect: This is the ability to treat others and things with value. Your manner and courtesy should speak more about who you are. Your respect should be for God, life, elders, parents, people, law, properties, and beliefs.
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  Responsibility: It is being accountable and dependable. It has everything to do with having the mind of your own in decision making; learn to be responsible for your actions at all time. As a teenage counselor, I have a particular teenager that whenever I scold him as regarding an issue, he would tell me that someone made him do it. I told him to learn to take responsibility for his actions. You should learn to do the same because when you fail, it’s you that has failed; nobody else.
• Honesty: Always be truthful and trustworthy. The inner strength of building integrity comes from being honest. Believe it or not, if honesty isn’t part of your life, you will develop the habit of lying and cheating others.  This negative attitude will become part of you and gradually you will be living a life of a lie, and believing you are being smart. 
• Courage: Is having an attitude of dealing with things that are recognized as dangerous. Courage is to believe in what you do even if nobody else does. It is facing your challenges with a brave heart.
• Sexual purity: Make it part of your goal that sexual relationship belongs only to those who are married. Endeavor to restrain yourself from sexual relationship outside marriage. Such commitment, made in the presence of God, is the best for emotional, physical and spiritual strength and growth.
• Get a positive attitude: Learn to stay positive and pursue your goal. Don’t ever get discouraged about the things around you. Don’t support the people who believe you cannot succeed in this country; the truth is that wherever you are, keep your head high and the sky will be your starting point.